Craig's assigned corner for complaining

10:32PM

I'm writing my graduation speech. Check out what I have so far; tell me what you think...
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Four years ago I was a freshman here at BHS. One thing that sticks in my mind most frequently about that time in my life was my father; telling me that high school years move so quickly, and that I’d be an adult before I knew it. I sure as heck didn’t think so! I kept saying “No, Dad, it’ll be forever before I graduate!” And now that I’m here. Now that I’m at the summit. Now I can look down on all my achievements, all my memories, all my life… And I realize something… I was right the whole time. High School WAS really, really long! All the lost time means nothing now,
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I still need a couple more sentances. then, ill need our principal to "approve" it, then I'll need to recite it in front of some sort of comitee or something. They're gonna choose the 2 best speeches.
-Craig

Current mood: listless

(5 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

8:04PM

I feel like shit.

Todays the first day I've been unhigh in a many weeks.
Yesterday was 420. I had such a blast. At the end of the day, I had smoked 1/2 oz with my friends. I was outta my mind. Today, as contrast, I've smoked 0. I tore down all the posters in my room. Everything. I feel like its not mine anymore.

Bobby finally came home. I was so worried about him. He was gone for a week and a half. Just yesterday he was caught and ticketed for having a pipe. At least that got him home. No one knew where he was.

(nobody cares about your opinion)

4:52PM

Ho-hum Well, I'm gonnna post some poetry that I've written. The first one I think I've posted already a while ago. >I Hope You Get a Papercut flipping the page You sit on the Barstool With your elbows on the counter. Your anxiousness overflows and you get up. You swallow hard as you step on to the dance floor. The crowd gives you space. You close your eyes and point to your lips. As the music dies to the song you yell "Somebody kiss me now! Somebody, anybody, please- I don't care who just kiss me now!" Bland stares; laughter. 15 seconds later you're forgotten. You go home. You commit suicide. 15 seconds later you're forgotton. I don't dream since I quit sleeping. I havent slept since I ate last. I've been anorexic since I stopped talking. I've been mute since I drank. I've been sober since I saw you last. It seems like forever.

Current mood: frustrated

(5 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

11:02AM

In just 8 more weeks and I'll be outta Beatrice High and on toward UNK. I can't wait until college. Kearny isn't exactly a monster of a city, but its much bigger than Beatrice. Besides, it's close to Grandma, so I'll have some help with laundry.
Kent's back in town. Its always good to see him.
Well..
There you go.
I'm alive.

-Craig

Current mood: contemplative

(2 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

5:58PM

Friends, I think that its time to share with you all whats been troubling me the past few weeks. I've been diagnosed with.. Splashback.

Althought few cases in history have caused fatality, Splashback is a common occurance that happens with many unsuspecting victims every day. This is my story.


I was sitting in my room when it all started... I felt it right away and knew instantly; I needed to use the restroom. I paused the boombox, thinking that I would be absent only a few minutes. I was wrong.

I guess the rest is history; I had to go, obviously, Number "2". I sat down... and I'll ,spare the details. I guess I now know how Splashback got its name...

I knew it immediately and ran upstairs, my pants remaining at my ankels.

On the hospital bed, countless doctors came and went. Everyone of them had never seen a case like mine, so they said. 32 hours later, the Fresh college grad, Dr. McCullen, God Bless his soul, told me and my family that I would be okay, and that he had succussfully cleaned and dried the 1/2 gram of toilet water that had transmitted my case of Splashback.

Fully recovered, I now run a scholership program dedicated to victims of Splashback, and ware a Splash-resistant anus cover to prevent reinfection. I will never be the same person now that I'm a "Survivor" as countless fans call me in the 5,000 letters I get from people all across the nation. I ask everyone out there to please, in the name of God, "Look down, or you'll frown." As our community pamphlets say.

Current mood: pleased

(3 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

6:35PM

Would everybody remind me whos actually reading my live journal?

Current mood: determined

(13 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

10:44PM

Im gonna start a new band I think. Its going to be like a Grungy kinda band, exept a lot more down and gloomy. I think its just gonna be me on bass and maybe jason on drums. The band'll be called "An" with our debut album named "Forthcoming of vowel". I've already thought of lyrics and some bass lines. The music should be pretty simple.

I got accepted to UNK. yay


I havent updated in forever and, for some reason cant find the words to type.

(3 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

5:36PM

Snow day from school. That means that I finally got around the thing that I had been wanting to get to all weekend; Have MSN Conversations using only "Whats up wichu?", "Right on.", and "Interesting. Well, tty-whatever." I had just been killing to get that chore done.

Current mood: accomplished

(nobody cares about your opinion)

7:39PM

Everybody needs to get into Margaret Cho. Shes the greatest stand up comidian in the world.

Current mood: complacent

(6 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

9:32PM

As Eminem once put it, "Something's gonna happen, and its gonna happen now."

Goddammit, Marit. She doesn't really return many of my calls anymore.
I feel like my life is this whole, extense language that I am continusly tring to translate. Once I find a few words that I think I've figured out, they change and I'm lost again. I keep looking at life in a different light or bigger picture just to realize that theres yet another light, an even bigger picture.
I gave up tring to figure it out, I just need to get used to it.

I've ran out of things that I think of to type on here. Nothing can express the way I feel right now. Maybe the overwehlming felling of not caring or having time for anything.

11:19PM

So hell froze over.

Sarah Miller is offically going out with Mike Martin.
I remember helping Sarah out many times after they broke up. She would come over to my house at God knows what time, crying her eyes over Mike. Something he did. Or said. Or implied. I would give her a sholder to cry on, and a person to hug. I was ALWAYS there. Then, we found out that Mike cheated on her with her BEST FRIEND. Sarah hit rock bottom. If I've ever seen a shred of a person in my entire life, it was her on that night. Then I made the gastly mistake of agreeing with her when she wanted to go to his New Years Eve party. Sarah pressed rewind, and just punched play. Were going to live the whole fucking thing over again. I cant even look at her face. Ive done so much to help her get over that scumbag, she was almost there, after 3 or 4 months she was almost there. Now shes thrown it all away. All thoes nights where I constantly told her everything would be okay. All thoes times When she and Candace (her best friend) got in thoes fights. Talking about the same shit over and over again about the same guy night after night. Shes so fucking stupid.

God, it hurts me so much to even type that or say it to her face but its true. I've lost almost all my respect for her. Its so pathetic. Evverything good in the world has died.

I've never been closer to heaven in my entire life.
And not in a good way.

Current mood: exhausted

(5 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

12:12AM

I dont know if I'll keep this live journal. It takes up a shitload of time, I seem to have less and less, and is getting kinda boring especally considering its just a bunch of people from other states who have no reason to give a fuck what their Mom said to them, or their boyfriend cheated on me, and maybe 2 or 3 people who actually know me.

I need to get to bed.

Current mood: disappointed

(4 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

6:14PM

School start.
Im taking Modern Issues, Research and Comp., and Art Foundations. Not really that anyone on here cares or anything. Theres this new kid that moved to Beatrice from Colorado. Hes really quiet and a big skater, so, naturally, Adam is his friend and introduced me to him. His namess Matt, seems prety cool.

Is Howard Dean the Democratic party’s albatross or its savior? Somebody tell me, because everyone's got a different opinion.

Current mood: confused

(3 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

2:15AM

Snowball was today. It was extremely disappointing. I don’t even remember why I even came close to liking this autonomous event. I was extremely tired for some reason, and seeing the same people of whom you try to avoid at school over and over saying the same tired phrases.

"Lookin' good!"
"Never thought I'd see ya in that! Ha ha."
"What? You in somethin half way nice? Ha ha."
"How was the ol' new year?"
"How’ve ya been since the last time I talked to you 37 seconds ago at the stage? Bathrooms? Punch bowl?

It got old fast.

Current mood: numb

(1 mute preacher | nobody cares about your opinion)

12:41PM

So my family went on a vacation to Texas; if thats what you wanna call it, to me it was just sitting in the back of the car tring to sleep while the parents look at dams, buildings, and state parks.

A very disturbing event occoured while here. My family and about 6 other relatives were eating at a restaraunt similar to Applebees. There was a little baby people were passing around saying how cute it was and somehow, my mother blurted out that my Dad has had a vasectomie. EEEWWWWW!!!!! I dont wanna know that! Kent and I looked at each other with an appauled look on our faces. I was sure that my parents still had sex and all, but I dont want them to know that I know! That'd be wierd! And eewww... a vasectomie. Gross. Then our food arrived. For some reason, I wasnt especally hungry.

New Years eve I went to Mike Martin's party. I know, I know... a lot of people hate that mother fucker, but it was alright because there was a lot of other people there that I could talk to. Mike does seem kinda fake.

Current mood: contemplative

(1 mute preacher | nobody cares about your opinion)

9:48PM - Heavy Metal...

Ya know what I dont understand? Heavy metal music.

First off, all of their names seem to be the same. "Mudvayne", "Puddle of Mudd", "Steromud", "Mud Death". They all involve mud! And if if its not mud, its the closest thing TO mud; dirt. "Dirtfedd", "Dirt", "Field of Dirt", "Dirt Chamber". And of course, how could we forget to throw in hate? "Hate Eternal", "Hatebreed", "Storm of Hate". Why not a little diversity? Or at least some happyness? Lets have a name like "Rainbow Love Dream Fountain" or "Smile, Full soul" or "Happy Yay Glad Nice and the Richous Brothers of Kindness". But seriously, think of some new names. Hell, I even like SOME metal. Staind and Manson and NIN and Stabbing Westward, if you can even call thoes bands metal.

Then, theres the bands who are the "Four-chord wonders". All THESE metal bands do is play four chords or riffs over and over and over. I'm not saying that punk bands are totally innocent, but Jesus Christ, please involve at least SOME talent in your songs.

Along with having all the same names, their lyrics are very similar, too. They always talk about how their parents always spit on them as little kids and all the kids at school always beat them up. When they're not talking about that, all it is afterwards is HURT THINGS AND KILL PEOPLE!!!! Then, they talk about the whole "down with the goverment" thing like they know what the hell they're talking about. Oh, and i almost forgot, they seem to hate Jesus. Dont ask ME why...

Let me recite some lines from a metal song, if I may...

I hate everything!
It's all about shit!
My lyrics dont mean anything but I'm gonna say them anyway to sound halfway smart!
And then I'm gonna kill some shit!!!!!!
I'm gonna act all wierd just to get attention for my band!
Then, dumbasses like you are gonna buy my CDs just so that you can be cool like me!!!
When I was young, no one ever liked me!
I was always an outcast!
Now Im gonna scream for no apparent reason just to get attention!!!!
Down with the goverment!
I love anarchy even thought i dont know what the fuck it is!!
Remember to kill people!

Okay, so maybe I made up a few lines of that, but the fact remains true.

Next up, these heavy metal fans are all jocks. All the football players listen to in the locker room is metal. yuck.

And finally, Metal goes balls out for the whole goth thing. I love goth kids, really, I do, but Jesus Christ, Slipknot isnt Jesus Christ. Then they have no reason what so ever to ware all black. The origional "Goths" were a tribe in present-day germany back around a dozen-hundred years ago that wore all black. I doubt any of them knew that. and lastly, ive noticed that the people who try to pull off the whole goth look must be careful. People who dress goth either look really, really good, or holy-shit, really, super, pitifully BAD! There isnt much grey area. Bottom line: If your gonna be goth, do it right.

I want to make a metal band named "Dirty Hate Mud" Our first song'll be "Satan Rules All" then another called "666" and then, "Kill people and Hurt Things" and finally, "Death Pain Cut Slit Strangle Mangle Lacerate Impale Morbid Anti Christ-for-no-good-reason"

We'd fit right in. probably get a record contract in a couple weeks, and be multi-millionares.

Current mood: contemplative

(16 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

1:38PM

Jake Mammens back in town. I went with Adam, Candace, Sarah, and Jake to his friend Jason's. I know Jason pretty well, hes an okay dude, but after a while when we were there he kept hittim on Sarah. It was pretty pathetic. Sarahs 17, hes 24. Hes married (in the process of divorce), hes a big gearhead (yuck), and really has no life. I felt sorry for Sarah, she wasnt leading him on or anything, he just kept hitting on her. It was pretty bad. Other than that, the night was pretty boring.

My faily celebrates Christmas today, yay!

Current mood: apathetic

(9 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

7:08PM

Suffocation.

10:15PM

I feel like writing a poem. In otherwords, I'm bored.

I wrote this last summer. I use it as a metaphor to describe how I was feeling. Lets see if I can remember it, its called "I hope you get a papercut flipping the page"...

You sit on the barstool
With your elbows on the bar table.
Your anxiousness overflows as you get up
The music dies to the song.
You step on to the dance floor.
The crowd gives you space.
You yell
"Somebody kiss me now! I dont care who, just somebody, anybody, kiss me right now!"
Blank stares.
laughter.
15 seconds later you're forgotton
You go home.
You commit suicide
15 seconds later you're forgotton.

(2 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)

8:40PM

Ok day, finished a couple finals.

At lunch, John was a little off with me.

He tries to give me advise on the people I date. It was kinda hypocritical and telling me advise on things that he has no clue about and I, on the otherhand, have at least some prior knowledge. I get pissed and say

"What the fuck, John, you're telling me this and you, of all people, are some immature, testosterone driven, stuck-up sophmore."

And then, for some reason, John assumes that I was "bragging" about the girls, excuse me, ALL the girls that I hang out with. which then, turns into a roast because of the legend of Chelsea. All the guys hate her with a passion, and they have so much to throw back on me.

First of all, why would I conciously "brag" to my friends about Chelsea? Think about it, what would I say?

"Oh! I went out with Chelsea and you didnt! Ha ha ha! Cuz I know you all Ive her so much and are so jealous of me for going out with her!"

That would just work perfectly. C'mon guys, have a little common sense.

Oh, and then John says that he would rather be single for life than go out with Chelsea or Katie. huh, isnt this the same John who, like I said before, is testosterone-driven? John wants sex like Rush Limbaugh wants Oxycotin. He'd take anything he can get, just as long as his friends dont see him with anyone that they dont like! Hes so jelous of Zack its pitiful and dont even get me started on Justin. And truthfully, I sense a little jelousy from them to myself. Not because of who I get, because of the fact that I get SOMEONE. They try to make the same tired excuses for why they are way they are and why they get the girls that they do, not that they get any...

No offence to any of these guys, I mean I'm still friends with them, but Im not sure why all of these people get so bitchy to me. I am myself, ya know? Ill bet you five dollars that Justin Imig has all of the same opinions as Zack does. John isnt as bad, but still pretty bad. They just dont think for themselves. They see Zack as the bible of how they're suppose to be. If you're gonna try to be all "punk," at least do the golden rule- "Be open-minded and think for yourself." They make fun of Katie because shes so "dirty". Yeah sure, she was slutty, which is grounds for being made fun of, but by "dirty" they mean "Of low income". And I think that thats the stupidest reason to date someone. If you think like that, you're no better than any of the "preps".

Current mood: irritated

(3 mute preachers | nobody cares about your opinion)